


O my heart

by sofie_sticated



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, mabel is having a hard time dealing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-05
Updated: 2017-09-05
Packaged: 2018-12-24 07:57:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12008412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sofie_sticated/pseuds/sofie_sticated
Summary: Mabel is trying to recover after she was raped. Dipper is there to help.





	O my heart

**Author's Note:**

> Just a vent of something that happened today.
> 
> Rape trigger warning, obviously.
> 
> (more notes at the end)

She felt his hands all over her body. No scrubbing could erase his finger prints. The cold water felt like the closest to clean, but nothing – absolutely nothing – could make her feel clean. The worst part of it all was the fact that he still went to the same school as her. It had been too long since it happened to report it. Almost a year. Sure, she could try, but what about evidence? What about his friends bullying her? It was too risky. Her fragile heart couldn’t take anymore.

She had been recovering up till now. Up till the second break in school.

_Mabel was walking out of school to get coffee by the nearby café. Footsteps sounded behind her, but she chose to ignore them._

_“Hey, Mabel!” the voice sent chills down her spine. Cold sweat formed on her back, but as she swallowed the knot in her throat she turned around._

_“Y-yeah?”_

_“Talk to me while I smoke?” Everything in her body screamed, absolutely roared, for her to say no. But she was so scared. So fucking scared._

_“Sure…” and then she stood there, trying to maintain a normal conversation with the man who raped her. How could she forgive him? How could it hurt so much still? Why did he still try to pull her into his life? Like they were friends again._

After that, she excused herself to go home because she felt a bit ill. More like her lunch threatning to making its way up again. She went straight home, skipping the last period. That’s how she ended in the shower, her only friend the cold water surrounding her. She missed Grunkle Stan and Grunkle Ford. If she just still were in Gravity Falls as a 12-year-old again, then everything would have been better. They didn’t know this had happened. It happened just after she turned 17 and soon she would be 18. She was almost an adult.

She remembered after it had happened, after that party, she went home in bed and just cried. She cried silently for some time until they turned into sobs. She had tried to keep them down, but she couldn’t. Thank god that her parents hadn’t been home. The only one was Dipper and Waddles. Waddles were growing a bit bigger, but it didn’t stop him from trying to lick her tears away. She had appreciated that.

_A knock was heard on her door. Mabel froze, her sobs halting, trying to pretend to sleep._

_“Mabel are you alright?” Dipper asked, concern in his voice. He then saw her, her eyes puffy, tears still streaming down her face. “Oh god, Mabel, are you okay!?”_

_She sat up, putting on the smallest smile. “Yeah! I j-just thought about the fact that pigs like Waddles gets turned into bacon!”_

_Dipper raised his eyebrow, walking over to her bed and sitting down. “I don’t really believe you, no offense,” he said, trying to look her in the eyes, however, she kept avoiding eye contact. “Mabel… what’s wrong? Did anything happen? Was anyone mean to you?”_

_Dipper suddenly reached in to pat her shoulder, but she shied away, terrified. “Don’t. Please.” Her tears started on fully again. Sniffling, she tried to contain her sobs, but failed._

_Hastily, he had retreated his hand, scanning her for injuries. There were none to be seen, but he wasn’t convinced. “Who hurt you? I will kill them.”_

_“No one! Just leave me alone! I ca-can’t, I just can’t-“ she broke down sobbing ones again, burying her head in her knees, which she had pulled up to her chest. For a good 10 minutes she just sobbed and wailed into her skin. Waddles rested his head against her thighs as a small pig-hug. Dipper had finally maneuvered an arm around her should and hugged from the side, resting his head against hers._

_Soon her sobs quieted down, making her very drowsy. “Did anyone… touch you?” Dipper dared to ask, biting his lip and hoping – praying to all Gods that he could think of – that that wasn’t the case. But he was right._

_Mabel, still avoiding his eye contact, gave out a small nod. Tears welled up in her eyes again, but she just let them fall, sniffling at times._

_“Who?” he asked, trying to be as calm as he possibly could._

_“Cameron,” she whispered. The name felt like acid on her tongue._

_“From history class?” he asked and she nodded. “Shit, that…” he silenced himself before accidentally startling her. “Did he, like… ehm… rape you?”_

_Rape. That word. She hadn’t processed it enough. It had been rape. But she could have pushed more. She could have said no more. She could have said ‘Yes, I’m sure I’m a lesbian!’ more. But would he have stopped either way?_

_With a husky voice she uttered, “Yes…”_

_Dipper’s eyes widened. “Oh Mabel…” he pulled her into a side-way hug again. She clenched his arms, as a form of comfort. She sobbed again and Dipper, too, shed a few tears._  

Dipper had of course suggested calling police, but Mabel wasn’t ready. She didn’t want to deal with more, let alone having to talk about it, again. He had respected it, although he had wanted to bring that bastard down.

Turning off the water, she got up and quickly dried herself. She was still soaking when she put on her oversized sweater. She couldn’t bother with jeans, so she just skipped that step.

As she crawled into her bed, turning all the lights off, she just shut her eyes and hugged her body. _Her_ body. She felt tears forming in her eyes, so she shut them as hard as she could, but tears still leapt through.

How could he not know that he made her life a living hell? How could he look her in the eyes without feeling overwhelmed with guilt? Why was it her who had all the guilt? Was it her fault?

Suddenly she heard the front door shut. Dipper must be home. And he must be worried, she did skip the last period, and she never skipped – unless they skipped together because English class, the last period, was usually the most boring subject.

And as she had predicted, Dipper knocked on her door. Letting himself in, his before worried look softened and he sat down on her bed side and hugged her. She just let it happen, although his warmth was oddly comforting.

“The C-word?” That was their code word for Cameron. She nodded. “Do you want me to kill him?” She nodded again, allowing herself to let out a small giggle. Imagining Dipper, who’s only D- was in P.E class, fight Cameron, head of the softball team, was a funny imagination. Dipper would totally destroy Cameron.

Dipper, too, let out a small giggle, but soon turned serious. “Mabes, do you think it’s maybe time to tell mom and dad? They can maybe get you some good trauma therapy. Therapy really helped my anxiety.” 

She shook her head, sniffling. “Not mom and dad. I don’t want them to look down on me.”

“No one is looking down on you, Mabel. It wasn’t your fault! And I still vote getting that bastard to jail.”

Mabel shook her head again, her mouth covered by her duvet. She didn’t want the police involved. She didn’t want everyone to know. She just wanted it all to go away. All the trauma, nightmare, panic and fear of going to school.

Dipper thought for a moment. His hand rested on his cheek as he stared into the nothingness. “What about… telling Stan and Ford? There’s no way in hell that they would look down on you. They have both gone through their fair share of things. Maybe they can help, and, again, get you some therapy.”

That actually sounded like a good enough plan. But she still needed more time. She felt like she _always_ needed just a few weeks more. Just until the trauma went away. Just until she could go to sleep without thinking about what happened. When would that happen? And could she take care of it herself?

“I’ll think about it, Dip-Dop. It sounds… okay,” she murmured, feeling a tiny wave of relief and hope run over her. Maybe it would help. 

It would be okay. She would be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> This was written from the point of view from an actual rape survivor. This was really just a vent of what happened today. My assaulter talked to me normally, as if nothing had happened, so I wrote this in class. I have only quickly looked over, but I think it's cool. 
> 
> I want everyone to know that you are wanted and loved, and if you have gone through anything similar to this, it was not your fault. Even if you felt like you didn't protest enough (or you didn't at all) it was not your fault. You are brave and you are strong!
> 
> If you are having any thoughts of suicide or hurting yourself, call a suicide hotline or text a crisis line.
> 
> American suicide hotline: +1-800-273-8255  
> Other suicide hotlines from around the world: http://www.suicide.org/suicide-hotlines.html  
> Crisis text line: https://www.crisistextline.org  
> Other helpful links: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org 
> 
> Stay safe!


End file.
